Alas, my results came to me as an early morning message as it did last year. However, unlike the previous years, I didn't leap up in joy. Instead, it took moments for me to register that piece of information into my head and waited for my emotions to come out. But it didn't, in fact, my brain couldn't tell me what emotions to feel and my heart wasn't working as well.

It was a "blank mind" day for me a few days before my exams started. I couldn't concentrate on my modules as I was simply too stressed and determined to excel. I picked up the phone and scrolled down the list, thinking of who I could call who could motivate me.

Jing Mei: My best friend and study pal, but she's too nice a girl to knock some sense into me.

Terence: My first best guy friend ever made in poly, but he's too mean and truthful to me. (The truth hurts you see?)

Jun Xiang: A long lost friend who has always been there, and I think he's the one.

Indeed, through our conversation that night, I saw my flaws in the most beautiful manner. The changes which I've gone through since my sec school till now. It was really brilliant! It has changed my attitude ever since then, because of the word "Awareness".

I call it awareness because I know what role am I playing, what mask am I putting forth to everyone and what I've done so far to make me such a pathetic role now. To think I thought I was a great person, it's far from the truth. It's only the picture I painted for myself.

But now, I've found the path I'm going to take. No more hesitation and simply my determination and attitude bringing me forward in each step I take.

I AM GOING TO DO IT. (:

Many things have happened since my absence from this space.

The beginning and the end of my project which took away so much time, confidence as well as brain cells. I have to admit, our standards were just not there at all. Which was why our results were likely to be disappointing. But this is not the time to fret, it's time to buck up instead. It's not the end of the world, it's just a lesson learnt the rather long way. (:

Despite saying this, I find myself rather demoralised and sad that I performed below my own expectations of myself. It's good and bad finding out that you're just not that best performer because there're so many other competitors who have done so much better than you. Anyway, it's a lesson learnt and a time for reflection for myself. Maybe I've been too negligent in my work, definitely I've a long way to go to improve myself.

Small efforts go a long way, so I shall then start today. (:

Yeah, tell me about it...I've not been updating my blog because I was busy being a "pirate" on tumblr and my own stuffs. I think I'm busy, but I dunno what exactly am I busy with either.

Sometimes life just pushes you to the verge and makes you want to break down, but you know very well you can't...

You got to stay strong to deceive yourself and think that you can hang on.

But actually, what's happening is your chest aching and your mind is confused and you've completely no idea how your life is going to lead to....

I hate this feeling I have now...Being so unsure of myself and not knowing what to do at all..

*a big sad witchy face*

Ignoring the fact that my life has its good sides, it's often the flip sides of my life which triumphs and make me all sad over again...

Disappointment from the people around me, I've to face that on my own...

No one can help no matter how much they want to...

People change, yes, they do...

Because change is the only constant and that's a fact none of us can deny.

It's just a matter of how much they change and how they've changed.

On the positive note, I love my mum and dad...They've been great accompanying me to shopping at Haji Lane yesterday and actually paying for my shopping too!

I could never find any parents better than them. *loves*

I guess the only people who really matter to me are them and my family.

Not forgetting my true friends...

Thanks to all of you, I'm still hanging on to the thorny vines of life with my tiny pinky...

(:

Haven't been really updating this space lately! A quick update and off I have to go to sleep cause of a promise I made to a special someone! ;)

The delight of eating comes from all these good food I had during this long weekend!

1) Hawker Centre Boiled Soup and Varied dishes which is damn good dinner to me

2) Tissue Prata which is a bit burnt yet a crispy, sweet and delicious breakfast

3) Cherries rock my night! They're so sweet I simply love them ;)

The road that seems so long is often the one which we travel on.

This is my life.

It's a long road with bumps and humps but in the end, it still brings you to your destination.

I chose this path myself,

and I want to be strong and

overcome the obstacles myself.

I believe in myself,

so please don't doubt me

or worry for me anymore.

My car has broke down once

But I've repaired it

It's ready to move again